Rules To Live By: Facebook

Everyone in the world now uses facebook, but if by some miracle you are not one of them then here are some rules to help you join the facebook world and not instantly alienate everyone you know. Just some simple things to remember to keep everyone happy, in no particular order:

  1. Facebook is a great way to get in touch with old friends but it is only acceptable to ‘Like’ really old photos of these friends immediately after befriending them, then you’re just seeing what they’ve been up to. Do this after being friends for a few months and it gets creepy.  They will assume you don’t only like the photo but in fact them.
  2. People will take Facebook activity as flirtation if it fits into what they want. If you think there is a chance someone likes you and you don’t feel the same way do not like all of their posts particularly if they are in any way sexual or are pictures of them dressed up nicely. To them this is an internet ‘How you doin’’
  3. No one cares about your diet/when you’ve been to the gym – stop fishing for compliments.
  4. Unless you have prepared a wonderful multiple course meal for a loved one, or are at a restaurant in which case food is just another form of art, don’t post pictures of your food.
  5. Calm down with your comments, just because someone’s opinions don’t match with your own does not necessarily make them a homosexual a Nazi or even a douchebag.
  6. Just because Hash tags work on Facebook now still doesn’t mean you should use them. It’s infuriating and pointless #pointless #wasteo time #bunchofn00bs
  7. Don’t post family/medical traumas to the public, I mean why would you do that? Personal stuff is personal and anyone who’s close to you will either know already or be devastated to hear over Facebook and everyone else will just feel awkward.
  8. Don’t post that you’re having an awesome time out and then tag everyone you’re with. If you’ve got the time to do this you are clearly not having an awesome time out. If you want people to know you had a good time, well, that’s what your hangover status is for.
  9. Don’t like something/someone just so you can post abuse to the actual fans of that thing or person/troll them. This is the internet equivalent of buying someone’s CD or book to burn, they still get the royalties for that purchase, or in this case that extra like.
  10. You may pretend that Facebook is a way to organise meeting with friends and to catch up on news, it’s really for stalking people, as proved by the film ‘Social Network’, so use it for its purpose but be subtle about it. Follow the guidelines to get the most out of mocking people from school who have gained a ton of weight.
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